Below we take a look at the dos and the don’ts of contacting college coaches to help parents understand when they should talk to college coaches and when they should leave the talking to their student-athlete.
The Dos
Understand the NCAA recruiting rules
All communication during the recruiting process is dictated by the NCAA recruiting rules and calendar. For most Division I and Division II programs, communication between college coaches and student-athletes and their families is prohibited until June 15 after the athlete’s sophomore year. While student-athletes can send an introductory email to college coaches prior to this date, they should understand that the coach will be unable to respond until after the June 15 date. This rule applies to parents, as well.
Once communication can begin, parents should encourage their athlete to practice clear and consistent communication with college coaches throughout the recruiting process.
Ask questions during unofficial and office visits
Unofficial and official visits provide student-athletes and their families an opportunity to get to know a college coach, the athletic program and explore campus. During these visits, student-athletes and their parents are encouraged to ask questions. While parents should allow their athlete to take the lead during the conversation, college coaches understand that parents might have logistical questions around admissions and financial aid that a student-athlete might not think to ask.
Prior to a visit, parents should sit down with their athlete to discuss what questions you would like to ask the coach and determine who will be responsible for asking those questions during the visit. To help you and your student-athlete prepare for on-campus conversations with college coaches, here are 10 questions parents should ask college coaches.
Encourage your student-athlete
Contacting college coaches can be intimidating and athletes will likely lean on their parents for help during the process. Parents should be supportive, while also setting the expectation that the athlete is responsible for managing their own recruiting process.
Parents can help their athlete brainstorm talking points and questions, practice conversations for phone calls and visits and proofread digital communications, as long as the athlete remains responsible for sending emails, making phone calls and carrying the conversation during unofficial and official visits.
This level of support allows parents to help ease the stress their athlete may be feeling, while empowering them to take control of their own recruiting process. This will also impress college coaches, who look for athletes that take the lead and put in the effort during the recruiting process.
The Don’ts
Contact college coaches
Plain and simple: student-athletes should be the only ones contacting college coaches during the recruiting process. While parents may be tempted to pick up the phone or send college coaches a quick email to talk about their child and ask questions, this may do more harm than good for your athlete.
College coaches want student-athletes to be an advocate for themselves, while parents provide a support system in the background. Student-athletes who take the lead and initiate email communication, phone calls and contact during recruiting events are more likely to catch the attention of college coaches than those who have their parents do it for them.
Speak on behalf of the student-athlete
This is one of the biggest mistakes that parents can make during the recruiting process. While college coaches understand that parents want to and should be involved in the recruiting process, overstepping your bounds can put your athlete at risk of losing recruiting opportunities. Calling college coaches to advocate for your athlete or speaking on your athlete’s behalf during a visit can directly impact a college coach’s decision to continue recruiting your child.
The college recruiting process is intended to help coaches get to know student-athletes and help athletes get to know college coaches and the sports program. College coaches want athletes to speak for themselves, so they can gauge the athlete’s genuine interest in the program and whether they will be a good fit for the team. Remember, college coaches are recruiting the student-athlete, not the athlete’s parents.
If you’re worried about how your athlete will manage when conversing with college coaches, set aside time to role play. This will allow your athlete to practice having a recruiting conversation and give you an opportunity to provide constructive feedback on how they can improve.
BEHAVIOR EVERY PARENT SHOULD AVOID
This is not a joke – BEHAVIOR EVERY PARENT SHOULD AVOID or it will raise a RED FLAG with college coaches
We’ve all been at a game, maybe ten, where a parent gets out of hand. You know what I’m talking about, the parent who screams at the referee on every call, berates the other team and is constantly coaching their kid from the stands. I don’t know about you, but this kind of behavior drives me crazy. And, I know it’s alarming for a college coach, too. Rest assured, college coaches notice this type of behavior from the parents of any athlete they’re truly interested in.
Listen, a scholarship is a huge investment for a university to make in a high school athlete. College coaches take the responsibility of making scholarship offers seriously. Very seriously. Because, making the right decisions on which athletes they recruit is critical to their livelihood. For that reason, in addition to evaluating the athlete, college coaches also evaluate the parents of the athletes they’re recruiting.
A parent’s actions and behavior could be the deciding factor between two athletes of similar abilities. Parents need to know the things coaches notice to be sure they don’t negatively impact their kid’s chances for a scholarship. Here are some behaviors all parents should avoid!
Constantly critiquing
As discussed above, everyone knows a parent or two who constantly complains about the coach, the players and the officials. If you’re one of those parents, just understand that you might be sitting next to or near a college coach recruiting your athlete. Yikes!
College coaches know that this kind of behavior teaches a young athlete to make excuses instead of making adjustments. It also creates an atmosphere of tension, and tense athletes typically don’t perform very well. Finally, this behavior will most likely continue into college and then the college coach will have to deal with it. Here’s a good rule of thumb: just enjoy watching your athlete compete and let them talk about the game on the car ride home.
Helicoptering
A Helicopter Parent is defined by Google as “a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children.” Let me say it another way, “They hover over their kids like a TV news helicopter over a car wreck”. To some extent, all parents have been Helicopter Parents at one time or another, but the problematic Helicopter Parent is easy to spot when their child is an athlete. Whether they want to admit it or not, a helicopter parent can actually have a negative impact on an athlete’s chance for a scholarship. There’s a fine line between being a supportive role model and a true, full-fledged “helicopter parent”.
Helicopter parents tend to try and influence the recruiting process for their athlete. Some try to push a particular school on their athlete and others might talk to college coaches at inappropriate times or in inappropriate situations. Parents need to realize that they aren’t the one who will be on the team. It’s not their athletic career.
Lawnmowing
A Lawnmower parent is defined by the MacMillan Dictionary as “a parent who clears all obstacles from their child’s path, so that they never have to deal with any problems by themselves. Instead of hovering, lawnmower parents clear a path for their child before they even take a step, pre-empting possible problems and mowing down obstacles in their child’s way.”
If a college coach determines that an athlete’s parents are truly “lawnmower parents” they may steer away from that recruit. There’s no scientific study on children of lawnmower parents (yet), but I would bet money that those kids don’t deal with adversity very well and aren’t the most coachable athletes on the planet. Neither of these two attributes are a positive in a college coach’s eyes.
Evaluating your kid fairly
There are very few parents who are truly objective with respect to their children. I’m certainly not and (I think) that’s ok. Parents need to be their athlete’s #1 fan! The trick is to realize that you aren’t objective and find someone who will be. Without an objective evaluation of your student-athlete, your expectations from a college coach is going to be distorted and perhaps disappointing. Consider this; almost every parent a college coach talks with has an unrealistic opinion about their athlete. It might be refreshing if you were one of the few who didn’t.
Talking for your kid
Believe it or not, some parents will actually contact college coaches themselves on behalf of their kids. That’s right, they call or email college coaches and introduce themselves as “Billy’s dad”. Parents need to understand the following: at least initially, college coaches only want to talk with two people (other than their own coaching staff) about any recruit: (1) the athlete and (2) his or her coach. That’s it. No one else’s abilities or opinions matter, especially a parent, whose opinion is biased. When the time is appropriate for a coach to have a conversation with the parents, they will initiate it.
Here’s the deal
College coaches pay attention to the parents and families of the athletes they’re recruiting. If, after reading this article, you still don’t believe me, here are the thoughts of Pat Fitzgerald, the football coach of the Northwestern University Wildcats: “…when we talk about our fit, we’re evaluating the parents, too. And if the parents don’t fit, then we might punt on the player and not end up offering him a scholarship. That has changed over a decade. Ten years ago, that wasn’t as big of a role. Now it’s a big part of it.”